As someone who has compromised before and has also seen the detrimental consequences, I encourage you, daughter of God, to stop settling for what you know is not God’s will your life, in the name of honouring the institution of marriage.
For a long time I told myself that I can’t possibly divorce my husband because “God is against divorce” and I can’t separate “what God has joined together”. I consulted multiple leaders, who all advised that I had no grounds for divorce since I had no proof that he committed adultery. And since he obviously hadn’t died and wasn’t planning on leaving the marriage himself – from what I could see – I had no choice but to put up with his abuse. So, I was to continue trusting the Lord to change his heart, continue submitting to him as my husband, continue praying for him and continue doing what God expects from me as a wife. I kept praying and trusting. Praying and trusting. Growing more and more weary with every prayer as things went from bad to worse. I started believing that there was no way out for me – this was just my lot in life; my cross to carry because I chose to marry him.
At the back of my mind, though, I knew I had no business being married to him in the first place. There were warning signs – and I ignored them all. The Holy Spirit did convict me – and I ignored Him. I spent years focusing my attention and energy on trying to change a grown man. I neglected my relationship with Jesus, put my purpose on hold and gave minimal time and attention to prospering the Kingdom of God the way I knew I was supposed to.
The day I finally made the decision to leave my husband, was the day I asked myself this one question:
“Girl, when you stand before God on Judgement Day and He asks you why you didn’t pursue the purpose He created you for, what will you say?”
That was probably the scariest, yet most freeing moment in my entire life, because I finally knew what I had to do. I said to myself right there and then, “There’s no way I’m standing before God one day, not having done what He created me for because I was too focused on an earthly husband.” Distracted. Allowing the enemy to take my eyes off Jesus. Idolising a husband but forsaking my First Love. Honouring my marriage but dishonouring my Saviour by compromising on godliness. Placing the covenant of marriage above the covenant I made with God the day I got saved. I realised in that moment that I had been trying to hold onto my marriage in the name of trying to be a “good Christian wife”, but all this time I had been failing by forsaking the most important commandment – “You shall have no other gods before Me.” (Exodus 20 v 3); “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.‘” (Matthew 22 v 37).
If you are currently in a relationship you know you are not supposed to be in, or that you know is causing you to compromise in your relationship with the Lord, I encourage you to let it go. Be willing to let go of whatever stands in the way of you giving your all to Jesus – do it today. Another scripture that people generally use to support their stance against divorce, is Mark 10 v 9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” But the emphasis here is, “What God has joined together”, and let’s be honest, some of us enter into relationships without having consulted the Lord, and then expect His blessing on something He didn’t ordain. For me, this was definitely the case.
God warns us beforehand so that we won’t have to go through things that could ruin us, and we should listen. He works all things out for the good of those who love Him, but some things we shouldn’t have to go through. Disobedience can cost us so much.